This week I had the pleasure to attend the COSA ASM. Honestly, I don't really like conferences all that much. I find them exhausting. Networking makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I can't pay attention and listen to back to back talks all day. Food in bain marie's scares me. But despite this it was overall a very worthwhile experience.
I think I'll write a few posts reflecting on different aspects of it. Today I'm thinking about identity.
While I may loathe networking, I love people watching. And there is people watching a plenty at a conference. There are a number of typical archetypes to be found. This provides me with entertainment, and it also prompts me to think about where I fit. What do I want my identity to be?
Truthfully, I don't know. While I admire those who have deep expert knowledge, the top of their specific field, I don't think that's for me. I struggle to stay focused on one thing. Similarly, I find the passion of the clinical leaders implementing services that are designed to better meet the needs of their patients inspirational. But I don't know if that's for me either, I'm not primarily a clinician at heart, I'm more about systems. I am compelled by the no bullshit, big picture policy makers. That is the sort of work that has the most pulling power for me. But if you pursue that path you have to accept that you'll have to work with a bunch of faker empty rhetoric types. I have a feeling the fakers have the numbers too. I'm not sure that's a good fit for me either.
So I don't know where I fit, and that's ok. I don't have a career path I'm working on. Instead I'm focusing on attributes. Skill acquisition and experience. What do I enjoy working on? How can I get better? How can I find interesting opportunities to challenge myself? Work on being me, and that's enough for now.